THE LOVER

	  The lover has come to me again, I know not why.
	The gossamer cloud of joy draws me in until each
	breath comes like a drink of cool sweet nectar.
	My body is tingling with waves of delicious love.
	  I sit and listen to a young man playing the hammer
	dulcimer. He has an arabic look, dark skin with black
	curly hair. He plays like an angel. The lover is dancing
	in his music. There is storm of intense emotion all around.
	I feel my heart opening, there is a star burning in there.
	The pleasure is so intense I can't seem to move. She is
	with me, gleaming, touching me with the kiss of her sweet
	breath.	The lover is more beautiful than I ever imagined.
	  It feels like the top of my head has been ripped clean off
	and a fine mist of mint spray has settled in. I begin to
	notice the people as they walk by. I feel their lives in
	a way even they do not suspect. All at once I see and
	feel the entire life of a woman near by. I see her born
	and crying. I feel the fresh joy of a young girl on easter
	morning in a pretty spring dress. There is the young lover,
	the fine church wedding. There is her depth of endless passion.
	I see and feel the birth of children, the pride of her
	young motherhood. There is loss and pain as she grows older.
	The beauty of her youth has slipped away. Now her children
	are grown and gone. Her husband withers and dies. Her life
	rushes headlong into old age and death. In just one moment
	I see the scenes of a lifetime, I feel intensity of emotion
	far beyond anything I have ever felt before.
	  The music of the dulcimer ripples out like waves from
	the center, creating circles of light and sound. As people
	pass within I know them utterly from birth to death in less
	then one beat off my own heart, countless life within life
	within life.
	  I am crying. The tears are pouring down my cheeks. I do
	love them so, my children, my babies. "if you only knew this
	love for thee and opened all your doors to me". The lover is
	dancing in all their lives, smileing from their lips, looking
	from their eyes. The rush of feelings is to great, I can no
	longer stand it. Like a tiny vessel poured too full, I am
	overflowing, sobbing uncontrolably, trembling.
	  Passers by are stopping now to watch this strange man who
	sits weeping openly in a public place. I drag myself off, away
	from the magic circle of the dulcimer. When I am far enough away
	the music fades and the visions disappear. I walk into the
	shadows to hide from prying eyes. I'm afraid of what has
	happened. After a while	my breathing returns to normal and
	my mind returns to the ordinary world.
	  It is as if the lover has punched a hole in the facade of
	the world and let me dive for just one moment beyond my depth.
	I edge closer to the dulcimer but once again I feel the
	ripples begin as the honeied grace of joy pours down into
	my heart.
	  In fear I leave that place. Afraid to lose my grip on the
	world, afraid to give up the paltry toys I call my own. Well
	do I know the price for this sight divine. To grasp the
	infinite one must let go of the mundane, but I am still full
	of my own little life of familar habits to leave for long.
	  I'm seeking now woman to exercise my lust, devouring them
	with my eyes, knowing it will bring me back to the realm of
	the ordinary. How nice to have a body. How nice to see only
	the surface of things. How nice to burrow in the security of
	the familiar. I cling to my petty little mind and body like a
	drowning man to a raft. So what if the ocean is all of love,
	for now I just wanted an island to rest a while.
	  The dulcimer player has stopped to rest. I greet him and
	tell him my story suspecting perhaps he is a teacher or a
	wizard. He listens without embarassment, without doubt or
	judgement. He knows somehow what I say is true but he takes
	no credit. He tells me of how he once played in a mental
	hospital and the patients became unsualy focused on the
	music with a great intensity. In that moment they saw
	extraordinary things like angels and gods.
	  He says he believes in the magic of music and seems quite
	pleased to have been a part of my vision but he is just	an
	ordinary man after all.
	  I thank him for the great gift he has given me. He laughs
	good naturedly as he says goodbye. As I watch him go I seem
	to see the lover smiling from his eyes.
	  The lover comes to me, I know not why.

					      B.E.