Heinous Hoppers from Hell The hot night air lay like an old wool blanket on the naked belly of L.A. The faint sounds of random traffic accent the quiet stillness. Vampire deliverymen pass the rounds of their damnation with quiet dignity. Out of the murky pool of dreams a thousand hearts feel the ripple of darkness surge from the hidden depths of despair. Perched on the edge of sleep they lay listening, straining to hear the reassurance of calm. Their secret sanctuaries of peace are ripped open in an instant. A monstrous sound explodes with the scream of twisted metal kissing brick. A thousand windows bear witness to the horrific scene below. Giant happy bunnies crowd round the smoking wreck ripping hunks of dripping flesh from the helpless passengers, feeding deeply on the steaming bowels of the driver as he writhes in agony. This is no dream. These are giant fluffy nightmare bunnies, genetic mutant hares from hell. Half a dozen rainbow colored cottontails as big as trucks stand licking the blood from their huge twitching noses. Like Easter morning on LSD the voracious conies finish their snack. Slack jawed neighbors stand gawking through curtains, stunned in shock. Their lips mumble a joint prayer for the end of the dream to come and bring blessed wakefulness. The massive rabbits prowling now in hunger spy them and make their approach. A thousand eyes back away from windows like defective TV screens, clutching franticly for remotes to change the unwanted channel. Crackling fire and smoke roll from the old Chevy cab, as it lay crumpled like a broken toy. The scene looks like some apocalyptic joke. The cruel cut of cuteness returned to have its day of savage revenge. Dorn Bracken rolled lightly out of bed. His feline reflexes taking control. He leapt to the window and drank up the scene in an instant. "Holy crap" "We're in deep pellets now". He dressed in a flash. Donning his ammo vest and a pair of forty-fives. Trouble had come knocking like an uninvited guest and Dorn was going to knock back. He flew down the stairs, leaping deftly over a wino on the second floor landing. He kicked open the door on the ground floor and did a quick recon. He tore across the alley at a dead run and dove for cover behind a dumpster. "Damn". The pile of cardboard he had landed on was covered with slime. "Ugh". He shook the sour smelling goo off and twisted his face. "Yuck". "That's it"." I'm moving to Utah". Dorn scrambled down the alley towards the sound of breaking glass. He turned the corner and saw that the Bunnies were going hog wild. The first and second floor windows had been broken out. The massive mammals were dragging citizens from the darkness and crunching them by the firelight. The Chevy was now a roaring blaze. The bright play of flickering flame cast dancing shadows on the multicolored creatures. It made for an oddly pleasing milieu but for the tortured screams of the breakfast entres. Dorn whipped out twin cannons and opened fire. He blasted the nearest rabbit with two full clips and stopped to reload. The lead bunny was a bright blue lop with ears down to the pavement. He turned towards the Dorn and the source of his annoyance. The look on his face spelled pissed off. Dorn got the message. He ducked back behind the corner but it was too late. He realized that he had under estimated the distance. He ran like hell for the back door of the Chinese laundry down the alley. He could hear the thunderous thump of the heinous hopper from hell hounding him. He could feel the hot bunny breathe on the back of his neck. The reek of half cooked cab driver guts washed over him. He felt the bile rise in his throat half from fear and half from revulsion. He was nearly there. "I'm not going to make it". He dove to the side and rolled up on one knee. He managed to get off a few rounds into the right eye of the monster. It screamed an eerie high-pitched whine that made his teeth hurt. The beast rolled onto it's back and lashed out with its hind legs. Dorn's guns went flying as he caught a vicious blow to the ribs. He flew back and hit his head on the stone wall. He saw stars. He lay there with the breath knocked out of him. His ribs felt like a bag of smashed potato chips. The great hulking brute towered over him now. Its shadow wrapped him like the promise of death. Dorn could hear the rasping sound of its breath. The smell of fresh blood flooded his nostrils. He strained in the dim light to see its monstrous face as it slowly reached for him. The huge buckteeth glistened menacingly. Its lips drew back in a cruel sneer. "This is it". "It's over," Dorn thought. He squirmed away but it had him cornered. He was pushed up against the dumpster. In desperation he looked around for something, anything. "There". Lying just under the edge of a pile of debris lay a whole carrot. He snatched it up with both hands in an act of utter desperation and plunged it into the wounded eye of the bloody blue behemoth. It reared back in pained confusion. Shaking its head from side to side in a futile attempt to dislodge the offending vegetable, it forgot Dorn for a moment. He struggled to his feet and staggered weakly to the door of the laundry. It took all of his remaining strength to kick the door in but somehow he managed it. He stumbled into the darkness swearing and gasping for breath. He tripped over a basket of wet laundry and fell flat on his face. "Crap" The air was thick with the smell of bleach and rancid cabbage. He struggled blindly in the dark until he found a safe hole behind some huge machines and slumped to the floor. Dorn was exhausted, bruised, bloody and humiliated. To be whipped like a two bit punk by a cutesy bunny did not sit well with him. Sure the rabbit was as big as a Zamboni but that was beside the point. "Damn", he muttered, "I hate Easter". 1